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We’re onto day two of the NILMDTS Area Coordinator training program. It’s great to see so many dedicated volunteers… and also good to know that they’ve gone through the same organizational struggles as our local area coordinators. Yesterday, we divided into “focus groups” (of a sort) to discuss recruiting, logistics, and relationships. The goal was to come away from the group breakouts with some new ideas to improve the efficiency and consistency of NILMDTS from one place to another.
Today, we’re learning about coping skills and stress/grief management from Bart Leger, PH.D., B.C.E.T.S. I know that some of my colleagues have been concerned about how they would react when going in to photograph their first session… and the truth is — usually photographer mode kicks in. Usually NILMDTS photographers find that they are able to work through the session, and that their emotional response to the session will vary based on their personality. I wanted to share a quote from Bart’s lecture:
Expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss every day and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet.
Now, that being said, each individual will react differently. Some people are very emotional, and have to work through their grief in a more thorough manner…. but other people don’t ever experience a dramatic emotional reaction. Each response, each reaction, will vary — and no response to grief is wrong. Just like there is a support group on the NILMDTS forum for the families… there is a support group for NILMDTS volunteers as well.
Now for some live blogging:
The question came up about whether pregnant volunteers should go inactive when they become visibly pregnant. Here’s a summary of the discussion: If you’re pregnant and worried about having to stop volunteering, keep in mind the family often can’t even remember whether their photographer was male or female …they are so focused on their own loss that they barely remember our presence. Obviously you should do what’s healthy for you, because it’s really more traumatic for you as the volunteer than for the family. If you’re uncomfortable with the though, you could always ask the nursing staff ahead of time if they think it will be a problem. Bottom line? Do what makes you comfortable.
Bart is full of great quotes! I love this one:
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself — Leo Tolstoy
The only person you really can change is yourself. Now, this is something that even the dedicated NILMDTS volunteer should keep in mind. It’s easy for us to get into the Martyr Syndrome… “I need” to do this… mentality.
We need to learn to say “no.” Set realistic expectations for yourself. Sometimes NILMDTS volunteers get burned out because they think “If I don’t do it, nobody will.” Yes, it feels good to be needed, but it can be counterproductive to burden ourselves with an overdeveloped seese of responsibility. Every session you are able to photograph will make a difference to that family.
How do we not feel guilty for saying “no”? That’s the tough question.
Let me digress here for a moment. Do you remember the story about the little boy trying to help the starfish? (my summary below)
An old man came upon a little boy who was throwing starfish back into the ocean. The shore was filled with thousands of starfish, and it was obvious the boy would never be able to save them all. The man asked the boy, “what difference are you going to make? There are too many to save.”
The boy picked up a starfish, tossed it into the sea, and replied, “it makes a difference to that one.”
We can only do so much… and we can’t save the world single-handedly. Every child you are able to photograph — your images will make a difference to that family. We might not be able to photograph every session — but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do those sessions which we are able to do.
Ok, back to the training.
For the end of his program, Bart covered some techniques we can use to survive stress and sorrow. In my opinion, the most important thing is to remember that you’re not alone! You have your built-in support group: other NILMDTS volunteers, your Area Coordinator, and there are resources from NILDMTS too.
Headquarter is now wrapping up the program. They were so happy to have all these volunteers share their ideas on how to make NILMDTS be more meaningful. A lot of questions were raised during this “focus group” …and a lot of good solutions were proposed. All area coordinators are going to be receiving a summary of the program.
But the main thing, the big question is… “How to apply this [what we've learned]?” To answer that…they had us break out into small groups for 15 minutes. I discovered that Debbie Billingsley, an Area Coordinator from Arkansas, creates a NILMDTS binder for each hospital. It contains vital information like consent forms and the hospital’s posing guide (i.e., what the nurses should refer to if a photographer is unavailable). Every time Debbie goes to the hospital she checks to see if the nursing staff still has the binder… and the answer is always a resounding, “yes!”
In conclusion, NILMDTS is a wonderful cause, and they want your volunteer experience to be a meaningful experience. If you run into a problem, make sure to talk with your Area Coordinator, post on the forum, or contact Headquarters. No man (or woman) is an island. Don’t try to do it all yourself!
